Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
