Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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