I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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