I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
