She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize