hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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