I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
