my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
