Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
