just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
