Having a random hookup so left but love u
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
