please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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