your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
