where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
