He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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