chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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