Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
