we have officially lost it.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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