all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
