No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
