do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
