i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Floor bacon is actually really good
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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