can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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