just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
