and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
