I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
