You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
