He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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