i jhust puked up my retainher.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
