I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Everyone says I win the strip club
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
