And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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