im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
