Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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