elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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