They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
