Umm I'm too high to move.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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