It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have fence marks all over my body
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
