true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
