I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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