Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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