Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
