i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
