my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
