i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
