Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
