Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
