so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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