3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
