I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
