If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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