Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
NoShamevember. You game?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
