I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
