Tell her she can't have a vagina
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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