I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
