speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize