wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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