it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
