dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
