Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
