I think I died a long time ago.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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