yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
