you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
