I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
