I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
