It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
