I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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