you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
