I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
