I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
