He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
