there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
